Life continues...

Life continues. No matter what happens in our lives, life will continue on. We have learned that lesson over the last 3 years.

Paul continues to do so well! He had a second surgery - this time with FANTASTIC results. He was having some trouble with his neck again, so we went to our family Dr. and the neurologist to get advise on what to do. Both of them said Paul needed to see a surgeon. They both also said the surgeon is conservative and surgery isn't his first recommendation. He normally first would schedule physical therapy, maybe injections, but surgery would be a last results - if at all. Paul had to have an MRI done before going to the surgeon. We went to the surgeon's office and he has us come look at the MRI. You could see where Paul had 4 herniated disks, that were pressing into his spine. They had actually caused a divot in his spine and there was no spinal fluid in that area. The surgeon said he has 2 criteria that would cause his to recommend surgery. 1-if you have lost feeling or have tingling in an extremity and to wait longer for surgery could lessen the chances of regaining full feeling and use; 2-if your spine has been compromised to the point that if you tripped and fell, it could be life-threatening. Then he said Paul fits both criteria. So, 3 weeks later, he had surgery. We were obviously very nervous about heading in to this, but the surgeon said he would be monitoring everything very closely to make sure everything stayed as it should. The anesthesiologist put in a line so he could monitor all of Paul's organs and vitals, and be able to quickly give him whatever he needed if something started to show signs of problems.

He came out of surgery very alert, talking to the nursing staff (remembering their names), asking questions about his surgery ... his eyes looked like himself! (One thing we have been told several times since the second surgery ... people could see in his eyes that he wasn't quite getting it. At the neurologists office, the comment was made that they could see that Paul was "in there".)  Paul spent about 30 hours in the hospital - from the time he went in for surgery until he left the next day. When I got up to the hospital the day after his surgery, he had already walked around the floor 2 or 3 times ... by himself. Last surgery, the day he went home, they had him walk around the floor and there had to be 2 of us with him, helping to keep him stabilized. Paul was such a good patient this time. He kept track of what the surgeon said he could do and didn't do more than he should have (for the most part!)

As Paul continued to heal, it was obvious his memory was coming back, his attention span was normal, his energy level was normal, etc. He may never remember some things from the past three years, but his  memories from prior to surgery and since the second surgery is great. Another thing that has come back is his longing, desire, passion, and need to be in ministry. He talked to Paul C and was told there would be a church available for him at conference! That was an answer to prayer that we have wanted and waited for!! There was one church that was mentioned to us, but the day of a MEG meeting, one of the pastors said he wanted to retire. They started thinking of us to fill that spot. After a couple weeks of conversation, they decided to send us to the church where the pastor was retiring. That's a good thing! We are so excited about getting back into ministry and having the opportunities to serve God again.

Don't get me wrong, not everything from the last 3 years has been bad, church-wise. We were able to fill in at Alpena for 6 weeks. Paul did a great job, but doing that is what told him something was definitely wrong and we needed to figure it out. So, that actually is a good thing! We started attending Countryside. That has been such a blessing and help for us. Paul was able to fill in for Dave 2 Sundays. He did a great job. It was like his old self was back! Our ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship) has really been there for us. After Paul's surgery, they provided meals for us for a week. The ABF had only started about 2 weeks before his surgery, so this group was new as a "unit". They have been so uplifting, encouraging, loving, and supportive. We have truly grown to love and appreciate this group.

We only have six more weeks to go before we will have our own church. Between now and then, Paul will be speaking at two churches. One is filling in for the pastor, the second is at the church of a good pastor friend of ours. He's not going to be gone, he just wanted Paul to come as a special speaker. I know he has a story to tell about what God has done for him/us.

Side note ... the surgeon we used the first time had been recommended. We wanted a second opinion, so we were sent to Great Lakes Spine Center, where our second surgery worked. We were supposed to see Dr. Palavoli (the second surgeon), but he was booked six weeks out, so we saw one of his partners. He agreed that we needed to go through with the surgery. What it came down to was whichever surgeon could do the surgery first would be the one we could go with. The surgeon we used could get us in 3 weeks sooner, so we went with her. Had we waited the six weeks to see Dr. Palavoli originally, it makes my head spin to think about how differently things could have turned out.

God is still good. He's still on the throne. He's still in charge of our lives. And He still loves us more than we can imagine (or deserve!)

Looking UP!

I just realized I haven't written on here since October. A LOT has happened since then. We celebrated Johnny's 2nd birthday, had some good family time with everyone home, took a trip to Tennessee, celebrated our 33rd anniversary, celebrated living in our house for 1 year, spent time at Henry Ford Hospital for Paul, multiple Dr's visits, tests, scans, etc. On and on the list goes....

Paul's neurologist wanted him to be admitted to Henry Ford Epilepsy Monitoring Unit to see if the "seizures" he's having are epilepsy or more "spells". Praise God he does not have epilepsy! We didn't expect that he did, but it's sure good to have some good news confirmed! They did a couple of things down there - changed some medications around ... the side effects of two of his meds are confusion, memory loss, fatigue, migraines, etc.  We also discovered that his body has probably not been producing two hormones since possibly as far back as his surgery (2008) - testosterone and thyroid. We've finally gotten the right medication for both of those things and we've seen drastic improvement. His memory is coming back, his stamina, reasoning, thinking ability, and he's more confident. That is all such good news! It's like the husband I let go into surgery 3 years ago is finally coming back!! He's got his sense of humor back and the girls keep making comments about "Dad jokes". As corny as they are - it's good to hear!

He's going to be working with Rachel starting an after school program at church. They did a similar program at one of our previous churches, so they know what needs to be done. Rachel has gotten so much positive response and feedback from the church people that are willing to help out in one way or another. This is going to be good for both Paul & Rachel. It will give Paul a sense a purpose and meaning, and as Rachel gets closer to delivering her baby, Paul will already be involved and can help jump in if necessary.

Paul is also working on a book - about hope. The first chapter is called: My Super Hero - talking about his biological Dad. That has been good for him to work through all of that. He went through so much hurt and pain and he's working through some things that are making him stronger.

As we were Christmas shopping in December (not the 24th this year!), we were laughing at the fact that next year we will have 5 GRANDCHILDREN to purchase for! It's amazing how our family keeps growing. I'm always amazed at the little people around us. They are independent, confident, fun, loving, cuddly, confidence boosters ... just amazing!

I'm thinking this blog may not continue. I started it as a "venting" place for me to be able to freely type and clear my head. Things are going so well at home and work, we're getting into a new church with all sorts of possibilities ... I may need to occasionally vent, but I'm thinking life is looking pretty good right now - for the first time in 3 years.

I thank God for being with us and bringing us through this time in our lives. I have NO IDEA why He allowed the things to happen that did - maybe for no other reason than having us learn to trust Him more ... I GET THE MESSAGE!!

We've had some losses - mainly friendships and church family because of having to move on. But, we've also come to cherish family, true friendships, and a church family so much more than probably ever before.

New way of thinking

I guess the title of this post should be "getting back to the appropriate way of thinking". I thought about it today, and almost all of the ramblings of this blog have had a negative spin on them. I need to apologize for that ... especially to God. I have had random thoughts today about the things I'm thankful for ...

1. Driving to work in the rain, having a hard time seeing out the front window... I have a well-running car and windshield wipers that work well.
2. Walking in to work, in the rain ... I have a good paying job, working with people I enjoy!
3. Smelling the fresh coffee ... my senses are working well!
4. Tasting the fresh coffee ... another sense that's working well!
5. Laughing with my co-workers ... the ability to laugh and have fun at work!
6. Not finding a parking space up close to Wal-Mart ... thankful for being able to walk to the store and not need to park in a handicapped spot.
7. Reading Facebook posts about those that have lost loved ones ... thankful that I have healthy children and grandchildren I can love and spoil!
8. Hearing snoring some nights ... SO EXTREMELY THANKFUL that I have a husband that loves me and that he has such a heart for God and ministry!    

This list is going to continue to build. I am committing to have a more positive attitude - about life in general. I have way too much to be thankful for to spend my time feeling sorry for myself or griping! 

So - here's my new commitment to anyone that cares ... I vow to have a more positive attitude ... if you hear me with a bad attitude - tell me to go sit on the edge of my bed and "get an attitude adjustment". If my 4 1/2 year old grandson can make an adult decision like that, I can handle it!!!

life

Life.

So we've been traveling every weekend to Alpena so Paul can speak there. I may or may not have mentioned this earlier. This past weekend, Paul wasn't feeling real on top of it. He's been having lots of the seizure activity (non-convulsive). He's exhausted after having one, so to have several in a short period of time totally wipes him out. He slept in the car and we stopped at Turkey Roost on the way up for dinner. He kept falling asleep while eating and actually choked on his food! I'm not sure if it was the seizures that closed off his throat or if he fell asleep and didn't chew his food enough. Either way - it was very scary!

He preached Sunday morning and then slept most of the way home Sunday afternoon. He's been stressing because he isn't able to provide financially like he wants. I keep trying to tell him that I am not bothered by that and that we are in this together. But, he keeps saying that my plan had to been to retire early so I could spend time with my grandkids, and now that can't happen. He blames himself for everything! I just wish I knew how to help him and convince him that I don't blame him and that this is a partnership. God help me to know what to say!

John & Bec are for sure moving. They have had several come see the house and have had a few fill out applications to lease it for 1 year. There are a few young families that have come by, so that would be so nice to have someone like that rent from them. If the one family rents it, they will be moving in 5 days from now! John & Bec will live with us until they move south. That will be nice! :)

Rachel had a job interview that looks pretty promising. When she left the interview, they set her up for a second interview. They talked to her about training and when that would all take place, so it sounds really good! Jacob told her he and God talked about it and she's going to get the job so she doesn't have to worry!

Life goes on ... things happen we can't control ... bad things happen to good people ...  I guess it's more in the way we handle the bad things that happen and the things that we can't control that counts. Everyone has bad things happen to them - everyone has good things happen to them. God, please help me to handle things one day at a time. Help me to not freak out over bad things that happen and things out of my control. Help me to be strong when I need to be strong, and to lean on you in my weakness (which seems more often than not!)

Life.

and more transition ...

So, it looks like John & Bec may have to move.  The work isn't enough up here to take care of their financial needs.  Rip my heart out!  It's hard enough having one (two) of my kids out of state, but if another family moves ... and takes 2 (soon to be 2) grandkids, that's going to be way too hard.  I know we were never promised that life would be easy, but sometimes I feel like saying "come on now ... this is about enough!"  We will have Jake & Rachel here, which is what will keep me from going absolutely nuts! I don't know what I'll do if I don't hear "Nana ... NAN" being yelled out the neighbors window.  And it's not going to cut it if the new neighbors yell out the window at me ... it just won't be the same.

transition

So, too much pt 2 I wrote in June, but didn't realize until today that I hadn't posted it.  So much has happened.

Paul's doing pretty well. It seems like if it's not one thing - it's another! We are going from one appointment to another, one specialist to another, one prognosis to another. All we end up with is lots of appointments, lots of theories, lots of bills, and not much energy.

Bec's appointment went well - she didn't need to have a biopsy done. Sarah was checked for the breast cancer gene - she doesn't have it - PRAISE THE LORD! Bec's Dr. said if Sarah doesn't have the gene, chances are very good that Bec won't have it either. We don't have to hold our breath, waiting for test results! I know things can happen that are expected or explained, but for the most part, she's clear.

Transition ... that seems to be the word of the year, month, week, day, and hour. It's been quite awhile since I've written. We don't have internet at home, so my time to blog has been limited.

• My boss of 12 years retired.
• My new boss has been a friend for years. The transition hasn't been bad - a few little glitches here and there, but nothing too earth-shattering.
• Sarah has taken trips all over the globe. She's gone to India, Cambodia, Israel, Paris, Jerusalem ... I'm sure I'm forgetting someplace. Her transition to work with Wellspring has been good. I think that's more where her heart and passion are.
• Rachel found out she was pregnant! We were all so excited, but quickly problems started to show up ... spotting, much discomfort. She had one appointment after another. She was told she was losing the baby one week, and the next week, told everything was ok.  She came down for annual conference. On July 8, she miscarried - which was also her birthday. We decided she was going to change her birthday to her actual due date - July 28.  I feel so bad for her - I'm glad they were down here for the weekend. We spent a lot of time crying, hugging, praying - so glad they were here. 
• Bec found out she's pregnant! She found out just after Rachel miscarried, so that led to tension and frustration for the two of them for a little bit.  We're so excited for a new little baby ... and hoping for a girl.  Johnny called the baby Buzz in front of the Dr, so now that's the baby's name until they find out what they are having. 
• Paul has been speaking at Alpena FMC since September 11.  He spoke at Faith FM in August once.  We've enjoyed going up north for the weekend, and speaking has been great for him. He's being affirmed by the congregation, and I think it gives him confidence that he will be able to get back at it full time. I'm sure praying he can.  We have this weekend off - if will be nice to get some things done around the house (laundry, cleaning, etc.) and have a little down time.  The congregation at Alpena are great! They have accepted us with open arms and make us feel so welcome. If it wasn't such a long trip (over 3 hrs), I think Paul would commute!!
• My parents sold their house and moved in to an senior adult apartment complex. It's a really great place - I think they're going to be very happy.  Mom has hip replacement surgery on Tuesday. I don't like that she's having that done, but there's really no choice.

The boys are as amazing as always. I love hearing "Nana ..." on the other end of the phone. They make me smile just to think of them. Rach or Bec will have one of the boys call (or come over) if they know we're dealing with something stressful. That just seems to help take the pressure off.

We don't know what our future is going to look like. Paul wants so badly to be back in a church. He feels very useless and unnecessary right now. I try to encourage him as much as I can, and I know the girls do too, but it's difficult for him. I'm concerned about him and his well-being if things can't straighten up enough that he can at least work part-time. The churches where he'd enjoy being on staff are over an hour away from our house. That means a lot of travel for him to go up during the week. If we didn't have our house, it wouldn't be an issue.  But, we didn't have a choice but to purchase a house. We were put in a position of having to be out of one house and into another, so we made that move. We knew it wouldn't be permanent, but we thought we might be able to hang on for a bit. Things changed and we found ourselves in need of finding our own housing. Since at that time, Paul wasn't doing real well, we were looking for permanent housing, not moving into an apartment or something. I don't regret purchasing our house, but now that things are starting to look up a bit, it is limiting us. I guess I'm looking at it wrong - it's not limiting us - we're just not able to see the next chapter to know what's coming up.

too much ... pt 2

Paul's appointment with the ENT went well.  He did a scope (a small tube down his nose - yuck!) of Paul's vocal chords and said they looked good and acted like they should.  Paul asked if working in the yard and garden could cause the problem. The ENT said no - that if that was the case, there would be residual dirt on his vocal chords.  The Dr said he knew the oncologist was wanting him to check for possible cancer, and that everything looked good.  He did say he would recommend to the oncologist that Paul have an upper scope done and to check his esophagus ... Paul's grandfather died of esophegial cancer - not a great thought. Paul's biological dad passed away at the age of 28 from leukemia, so he does have a family history of cancer.

Bec had her appointment with the surgeon yesterday. There is a lump that is not showing up on the mammogram ultrasound, but everyone can feel.  So, he had to biopsy it - but he couldn't do a needle biopsy because he was't sure where it was.  He had to use an instrument with like tweezer's at the end and just kept grabbing pieces of it. Bec said the instrument was about the diameter of an eraser from a pencil!  Poor kid!!!  Next Tuesday she goes to the hospital for an ultrasound/biopsy of the other lumps that did show up.

It's all just too much to understand and deal with!!!  God - help me be a supportive mother and wife.