I am in a ladies Bible Study - we are studying the book "Unglued" by Lysa Terkeurst. It has challenged me to not come unglued at unexpected, unexplained, or unfair things.
My life right now seems unexpected, unexplained, and unfair. After my last post (in May), many good things have happened. Paul was appointed to Mt. Morris FMC in July. That has been so great. They are such a great group of people - loving, appreciative, caring, supportive. But, he started having severe abdominal pain in the middle of the summer. Many tests later, his gallbladder was removed. He felt 100% better for about a week, but then the pain started all over again! On top of all that, he's losing about 5 pounds a week. He's down 60 pounds from the beginning of the summer - no explanation for the weight loss.
Not knowing what to do with this, we kept going back to the Doctors and asking what could be wrong - getting the same answers everytime. "We don't see anything else wrong, but we're going to keep looking for the answers." So, more tests, tests, tests ... no answers. In the meantime, Paul had continued to pastor the church, in the middle of the intense pain. He would be in pain all week, but when he got up to speak, the pain was gone for that period of time. So, he kept pushing on, expecting the pain to stop and him to feel better. Instead, he was getting worse, to the point that he was in extreme pain while he was preaching. Even through all the pain, his preaching has been more right-on, powerful, convicting, and correct than ever. I'm not a biased wife saying that - we've been told from others that have sat under his preaching before that he's better than he ever has been.
He's had many trips to ER to help control the pain. Nothing seems to help. He gets pain meds there that will give him some relief for a few hours, but then the pain is back. He started seeing a counselor - in case this is stress related. The counselor said he doesn't believe it is. That's the answer we're getting from everyone. No one thinks it's stress related - everyone thinks it's physical ... but no one can find the physical problem.
A week ago we went down to Ford Hospital for a capsule endoscopy (a small camera in a capsule that travels through the 25-30 feet of the small intestine that can't be seen any other way). The capsule was HUGE - football size, according to Paul! :) I gagged while he swallowed it, just because I knew I couldn't if I had to! We waited at the hospital for the 8 hours of the test, then we were free to leave. Two days before the test, a good friend called and said to check out Celiac Disease online. We looked it up, and every symptom, ache, pain, weight loss, detail ... is EXACTLY what Paul is going through. Celiac is VERY difficult to diagnosis. It often mimics: gallbladder (removed so not an issue), parasites (been told he probably has them so he's taking probiotics to help with that), lymphoma (was told we should watch for that - not to scare us, but to have us aware), and that it was all in his head. He's been told the first three from different doctors, and is wondering himself if it's the 4th. Celiac is when your system can't tolerate gluten, wheat, rye, or barley. So, we removed those things from his diet the day the friend mentioned it. In looking up comments from others with Celiac, it takes about 2 weeks to get it out of your system. There are so many similarities, all the way down to having a hoarse throat.
Now we have the waiting game ... the test may not even be read for 10 days after the test. That is driving Paul NUTS! He needs to have an answer ... not just that he doesn't have Celiac, but what he does have. We talked about it last night. If it were me and I started feeling better after changing the diet and the test came back negative, I'd be able to say it may not be Celiac, but just a gluten allergy instead. Paul isn't going to be able to do that ... looking at it like many men would. So, I've been praying very specifically, like the Bible says to: we need it to be Celiac, we need answers quickly, and we need Paul to start gaining weight back.
It's so hard to see/hear him going through this. He wants to be the provider for our family, but physically can't do it right now. He doesn't want to stop at the church, but also doesn't want to drag the church through this, so he's asking how long he should be off before just resigning.
My heart hurts for him and I pray constantly. I'm trying not to come unglued, but there are days when it's extremely difficult! In my heart, I still feel that God would not have healed him, and allowed him back into ministry, to pull the rug out from under him now. I just don't see God operating that way. I do, however, see the devil operating that way. He knows what areas to get Paul caught up in ... his self-confidence, self-esteem, energy, etc. The devil is hitting all those spots. Paul will start to feel better one day and the next it's like he's gone backwards again. I keep trying to tell him it's two steps forward and one step back. When he steps back, it's not as far as it was the day before. I can say all I want ... but I'm not experiencing the pain he's going through. Paul hasn't said that to me, but that's what I feel like when we talk about it all. I have to be careful not to use phrases like "I think you should", "what they meant was", "you need to" ...
God - please give us some answers QUICKLY! We need it to be Celiac and find out soon. This is going to kill Paul to keep going like this. He need answers, and needs them soon.
